bored already..

heehee..welcome peeps!
as those of u who actually bother reading this would probably know..
i got pretty itchy backside and decided to change to a new blog..
its not a big deal..
just needed a change.

my granddad passed away last friday.

in case u wanted to go.."i'm so sorry to hear that.."
u dont have to..cause i'm most certainly not..
don't get me wrong..i loved my granddad very much..
he was a granddad i just never really got to know..

he was however diagnosed with parkinson's disease ten years ago..
if u could do the math...i was seven..

but anyways..surprisingly..i din cry much throughout the funeral..
considering the fact that i cry over everything..
i would have to say i feel pretty ashamed of myself..

the only time i cried was when i saw my dad cry..
to see even the strongest of man cry..over his father's death..
it proves how strong an effect death casts upon us..

and that makes me wonder once again..
is death really all that scary tho?

why do we fear it?!
cry over it?
avoid it?

is it the fear of not knowing what will await you?
or the fear of leaving behind all that ever mattered to u?

i always feared death..
since young..
but i don't get it why..

is it because i'm scared of the pain?
cause that would be pretty illogical..
if ur dead, how would u feel anymore pain?

maybe its cause i always thought about heaven and hell..
i know i have low chances of entering any kind of heaven..
i'm kinda worried about burning in the flames of hell for eternity..

but thats another question of mine..
how does anyone know how heaven or hell looks like?!

no one lived, or perhaps in this case, RElived to tell the story.

so how do we know for real?
do we jus ACCEPT it blindly?
all in the name of faith?
and quench our thirst for the truth with a lie?

or do we question on further..
only to realise that our efforts are of no use..
that we ask the questions that has no answers.
and ponder the mysteries that has no explanation?

i guess i'm rattling on again..
true to my bullshitting nature.

maybe its due to the lack of sleep..
i have after all been gettin only 4 hours of sleep for the last two weeks..
of course..in comparison to many other 'hardworking'
*coughKIASUcough* people, 4 hours is heaven..
but for a pig like myself..4 hours is hardly enough..

i think i'll take a nap now..its 3 in the morning..
i'll have to wake up tomorro morning at 7 to start the parade of my grandfather's body to the burial site..

leave a comment if anyone even VISITS this place..
i need someone..anyone to acknowledge my presence okay?
i am an attention seeking child..do not be so quick to judge.

loves to all..

XOXO
maymay